Don't Date Your Phone

If you are single and looking not to be so any longer, there is an important rule that you should start to accept and embrace: TEXTING DOESN’T COUNT.  This applies to both genders equally.   The moment I hear someone say, “So we were texting back and forth for a while and…” I kind of want to start screaming. But I don’t.  I simply explain why TEXTING DOESN’T COUNT.

Texting is lazy.  It takes a person about 5 seconds to text the words “What’s up?”  Ladies, I really hope none of you out there ever end up at dinner, and then in bed, with a guy who texted you that earlier in the day.  That is not courtship.  It’s actually the opposite of courtship. It’s a guy putting in the BARE MINIMUM amount of effort that’s possible, in order to see you, and hopefully get laid that night.  It’s a sign that making sure he sees you is not really a priority, so he’ll leave it to chance and simultaneously avoid an actual phone conversation with you. Keep in mind, it’s possible (and likely) that this guy sent this impersonal and lazy text to more than just one girl.  But like I said before, this applies to either gender (just using men in this example because this is a common scenario I see).  Texting allows a person who’s uncommitted to “connect” with multiple potential dates simultaneously, even while they are hanging out with you.  Keeping the options open, while doing the bare minimum. Is this person really worth your time and energy (like, the energy it takes to pick an outfit and flat iron your hair)? 

What does “Talk to you soon!” really mean? Miscommunication comes hand in hand with texting.  Just last week, I got mad at my husband because of his response of “OK” to my text.  I though the was blowing me off, when actually he was agreeing with me, while at work and doing a bunch of other stuff.  I misread his text, and we are MARRIED.  When you barely know someone, you can read a two-line text message 1,000 different ways and still not get what the sender meant to relay.  If your intention is to get to know some one, you need to talk and spend time together to make that happen. 

Two months of texting = Zero months of dating.  Going on one date a week and texting the rest of the time in between does not count as dating.  When someone texts, “How are you?” or “How’s your weekend going?”  COPOUT. This person is essentially saying, "Hey there, you're not worth a 5-10 minute conversation, but here's the 5 second maximum effort I'm willing to make, to increase my chances of seeing (and sleeping with) you at some point."  How can you possibly answer "How are you?" in 160 characters or less?  You can’t and you shouldn’t.  Ladies (we have all done this), please stop spending the next 3 hours trying to figure out the best response. Not too long, not too short, be cute and warm, don’t be too eager, ask something back, consult with your friend.. etc.  It’s so sad and ridiculous.  Your response should be simple: “Great! Can’t text right now so call me later when you have a moment to chat.”  If he’s into you, he will. You can use a similar response to politely end a text conversation, which started with the standard post-date text, “Had a great time last night!”  It’s ok to respond briefly and say you did too, but do NOT allow this to lead into a full-blown conversation via text.  Statements like “I’m not a phone person” or “I hate talking on the phone” are just excuses and translate to “You’re not worth any more time than it takes me to send you a text.”

Bottom line: TEXTING DOESN’T COUNT.  It’s a cardinal rule of mine for the early, and even later stages of dating.  Pick up the phone people (since it’s already in your hand), and dial those digits.